Tears
by hopefuladdict
Summary: Five times Spock saw Nyota shed tears and the one time she saw them fall from his eyes. Complete
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't not own Star Trek. I make no money from this work.**_

_**Author's Note: Please be aware this work has not been beta'd. I apologize in advance for any mistakes that may be lurking within. **_

**Five times Spock saw Nyota shed tears and the one time she saw them fall from his eyes.  
**  
**One**

The group had been remarkably quiet, as human children go, while they were guided through the Vulcan embassy's visitors center. They did as they were instructed by their teachers, asking their questions by way of raising their hands and waiting quietly to be acknowledged, speaking in subdued tones.

Spock watched curiously from a corner as the students progressed from one exhibit to another, some smiling and pointing at items of interest, while others held hands and, 'skipped' was how his mother described the movement, as opposed to walking from place to place. His dark eyes tracked their journey as he waited for his mother to arrive from a meeting with his father so they could visit his human grandparents. He was fascinated at the myriad of facial expressions on display as the children, looking more than half his years, took in the sights and sounds of a vastly different world from their own, many openly gawking at the Vulcan assigned to accompany them with their teachers.

He observed one of the children as they took, then tugged on an elders hand rather insistently. After a short conversation with the child, the teacher addressed the entire group and several little heads shook vigorously. From the way the first child started to squirm, Spock surmised a toilet break was in order. The teacher, a female human spoke to the Vulcan guide and he nodded and indicated for the group to follow him and they quickly formed a line. They would file past the young Vulcan on their way to the lavatories.

Spock studied the string of children as they passed him by, not feeling obligated to look away as they were unabashed in their scrutiny of him, more than one pointing and giggling, even as their teachers attempted to discreetly chastise the behavior. The group was almost past him when a boy began snickering and made a rude and rather loud remark about Spock's ears, which was new for him as he was generally harassed in regards to his human half. Before the teacher could respond, there was a small gasp, then the offending smart mouth let out a loud yelp and burst into tears on the heels of a sharp slap, the unmistakable sound of an opened hand connecting with its target. The boy crumpled to the floor wailing, as he held his ear that had been very efficiently 'boxed', revealing his surprising assailant, a petite brown skinned girl with braids in her hair and indignation and tears in her large chocolate eyes.

"How dare you pick on him Zachary Martin, you dim-witted, nasty little tribble herder!" The tiny tyrant seethed, drawing the few remaining individuals who had not turned toward the commotion in. "I've put up with your foul mouth all day while you said mean things to me, but I won't let you do it to him. They invited us here!"

Spock ground his teeth, not in anger, but to assure himself that his mouth had not dropped open on his jaws way to the floor, betraying his shock at the little girls defense of him.

The human teachers quickly descended on the warring children. One went to the boy sobbing on the floor, trying to soothe him as she inspected him for damage. Spock's uncle Silek appeared on the scene and assisted in ushering the other children on to the bathrooms, while the second teacher took hold of the infuriated girl.

"Nyota Uhura! Shame on you!" The teacher admonished, attempting to both whisper and convey her deep displeasure. "You've no business behaving in this manner. Mrs. Wilson and I are fully capable of dealing with Zachary. What on earth has gotten into you! You know better than to strike another child."

"I've had it!" Nyota exclaimed. "He's been saying awful things about the Vulcan's all day, Mrs. Roberts. It's not right!" Incensed, hot, angry tears of injustice streamed down her face. "I've gotten used to him picking at me this week, but I won't stand for Zachary doing it to him." Her wet eyes darted to Spock's motionless form as he sat transfixed. "I think..." she started, then dropped her eyes to the floor, before finishing quietly "well I...I think his ears are beautiful."

Spock felt said ears darken several shades as he blushed with embarrassment at her declaration. He discovered, though he knew it was highly improper to look on, that he could not pull his eyes away from her small trembling frame. He didn't know what to think of her extreme display of emotion for him; a complete stranger to her. He was slightly unsettled, but much more fascinated.

She thought he was beautiful.

He watched with rapt attention as Nyota's teacher, Mrs Roberts, visage softened at the little girls words of indignation on Spock's behalf. "Sweetheart, you worked so hard to earn the right to journey all the way from Africa for this cultural exchange." She sighed. "You would be more disappointed than your parents if you were sent home early."

Nyota's head shot up at her teacher's words. Her devastation at the thought of being expelled from the program clear on her face. Her lower lip trembled and she started to apologize, only to be interrupted by the young bully who had started the ruckus in the first place.

"It would serve you right! You stupid, scrawny little snot!"

Nyota's eyes went wide.

_"Stupid?"_ She whispered the word, but Spock heard it loud and clear and it was laced with fury. She trained her eyes on Zachary, her teachers words forgotten as Mrs. Wilson groaned in embarrassment, blushed bright red and began to drag him away while quietly outlining his forthcoming punishment in his ear. Mrs Roberts was trying to thwart Nyota's imminent explosion, telling her that it was okay now, Zach _would_ be punished for his rudeness, that she needed to calm down.

Spock understood the sting of an unchecked tongue. He was acquainted with the consequences of being provoked beyond your limits and losing control over your emotions all to well. He stood to his feet in one fluid motion, the movement successfully drawing Nyota's attention to him and away from the offensive little boy.

"Mr. Zachary Martin's words are highly illogical." Spock stated, with far more authority than his years should permit, even for a child of Vulcan. "You would not be in the program that brought you here if you had not shown yourself to be of exceptional intelligence."

Nyota looked at him, stunned to silence. Just as Spock had hoped.

Mrs. Roberts stepped forward offering apologies for Zachary's rude behavior and Nyota's emotional outburst in response to it. She had become so mortified she was beside herself. Spock heard every word she said to him, but never turned his gaze from Nyota's moist and wonder filled eyes, even as she was towed away sniffling and wiping away her angry tears. Just before she was lead around the corner and out of his sights she gave him a wide, warm smile.

When Spock and his mother arrived at his grandparent's home, he greeted them both politely, then asked them to tell him about the continent of Africa.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Her name had leapt off the screen at him as he was reviewing the rolls of incoming students. The name, he was certain was as unique as he was. It most certainly was the same girl, though she would be a grown women now. He found that the image of her that he had tucked away was fixed, regardless of his efforts, he could not begin to image how she would appear now. He pondered the disappointment he felt that she was not yet enrolled in any of his classes. He was a scientist, she a linguist. He pushed away the urge to sigh.

Spock turned off his computer, straightened his already immaculate desk and headed out of his quarters, sure he would see her on campus eventually. He braced himself as he exited his building into the brisk autumn air, tilting his head for a moment slightly toward the sunny sky. The breeze carried all manner of conversations to his ears. Excited chatter of new cadets mingling with returning ones, eagerly discussing career tracks and course loads, introductions and 'welcome backs'.

He heard a loud, but pleasant peal of laughter and turned his head to find its source, nodding his greeting to several fellow officers walking past him, as opposed to speaking. Two female cadets were in the middle of the quad; an Orion, with her back to him, and a human, facing towards him, her face buried in one hand as she held her other to her side, her body still shaking as she continued to laugh. They were setting atop a blanket in the sunshine, surrounded by PADDs. Spock had begun to look away, satisfied he had located the sound that had captured his attention, when the human female lifted her face to the sky, a broad smile gracing her features as her fingers wiped away the tears of mirth streaming down her cheeks.

He had seen that face before, covered in tears. He had seen that smile before, open and warm. Cadet Nyota Uhura was sitting right in front of him.

He thought she was beautiful.

He diverted his eyes and continued to walk. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

His vulcan physiology rebelled on days such as this. It was cold. Cold and wet. He watched out the window of his quarters as lightening webbed and clawed across the sky, illuminating the black rolling clouds and ground below brilliantly . The resulting boom of thunder was ear splitting, sounding before the tendrils of the atmospheric discharge of electricity faded. The line of thunder storms had developed over the city, the worst of it directly over the academy and they were unmoving.

Spock had had to activate the sound proofing in each classroom he had taught in today. The thunder could still be heard, but it was reduced to a low, seemingly distant rumble as opposed to the repeatedly loud claps that caused his students to flinch and lose focus. The dark dreariness of a average rain soaked day, minus the thunder and lightening was enough to distract the cadets. The students as a whole seemed to be more subdued, some positively lethargic when clouds gathered and produced rain. So it was not unexpected for Spock to have a series of lectures with limited feedback from the class. Only Cadet Uhura's lack of participation was disconcerting to him.

All her instructors agreed, Nyota was typically an enthusiastic participant in class, regardless of the subject or environment in which it was taught. But for several days Cadet Uhura had appeared to me 'mentally absent'. Today she was worse. She had kept her head down, taking an inordinate amount of notes. When Spock called on her she did not look at him. She would lift her face, but her eyes would be unfocused, looking at nothing as she thought about, then delivered her answer to his queries. He had attempted to speak with her after class, but a few students deterred him with questions and by the time he was finished with them she was gone. He had to consciously work not to frown at her behavior. It was out of character for her as a student. It was out of character for her as his friend.

* * *

_Spock had only gone two days into her first year as a cadet before he felt her eyes boring into him with curiousity. He was taking an early breakfast in the mess hall with Captain Pike and several other officers when she came in with her roommate. Cadet Gaila had greeted the table of instructors, smiling as she walked past, and Nyota had begun to follow suit until her gaze reached him, at which time she froze and almost dropped her meal. Her dark skin deepened in tone with her embarrassment as she stammered to apologize for her response to him, and hurried away. Christopher had chuckled with a shake of his head. "Your affect on women is mind boggling Commander."_

_Spock did not respond to Captain Pike's statement, or any of the corresponding smiles from the other officers seated with them with anything more than a slight arch of his eyebrow. They all fell into light conversation completely oblivious to the way the cadet continually sought out his profile with her eyes. She had been so very small when they had encountered each other and yet here she was looking at him with utter comprehension. She recognized him. She remembered him. He rose from the table along with the other officers and they began to file out en masse directly past where she sat. A well timed comment by Commander Pickerling to Spock as they passed gave him just the opportunity he needed to signal to her that he too had made the connection._

_"I'm astounded Cadet Simms qualified for your class Commander Spock." He had remarked, continuing their conversation from the table. "He's excessively rude and tends to asks questions that I'm sorry to say I can only describe as 'stupid'."_

_"Perhaps he is nervous," Spock had replied. "The cadet's true intelligence shrouded by an irrational emotional response to his instructors presence which inhibits his ability to communicate his thoughts without sounding abrasive and, as you say, 'stupid.' I have only come in contact with one being I thought to be truly stupid," Spock cut his eyes to Uhura's, which were still trained on him. "a very unpleasant boy by the name of Zachary Martin."_

_Her jaw dropped open, just as he had feared his would on that day so very long ago. She came to his office to visit the next day and had stayed for hours. They had been friends ever since._

* * *

Spock walked to his comm and called her room for the fifth time. When he still received no answer he walked to his closet and retrieved a high collared rain coat.

"Computer, can you locate Cadet Nyota Uhura."

"Negative. Cadet Uhura is not in any of the buildings on campus."

He slid the long, black coat over his uniform and walked out into the storm.

He searched all the places that he knew of where she might go to think...to be alone, but did not locate her. He was about to contact the academy and call security when he decided to look one last place, and it was there he found her. Nyota was on a bench soaked and shivering when he discovered her at last, sitting staring at nothing in a garden of stones on the Vulcan embassy's extensive grounds.

Spock crouched before her, noticing her eyes were red and swollen, though her tears were lost among the rain drops pelting her face as they continued to fall from the sky. He identified the fear and alarm that were rising in him and locked them away. His body began to shiver. It was not from the cold. Although he was directly in front of her, she obstinately refused to meet his eyes.

"Cadet..." He stopped. "Nyota, you are unwell. You must tell me what has happened at once."

She let out a little hysterical laugh, cut short by a sob.

Spock disregarded decorum and reached for her, taking her upper arms in his grasp, giving her a small but firm shake. Their eyes met and the expression on her face was so lost, so full of sorrow and something he could not name that Spock felt the tenuous control over his emotions begin to slip.

"Nyota...please."

"I didn't realize." She managed, barely a murmur. "I didn't...I couldn't _see_. And once I did, it was...it _is_ to late. I'm so sorry commander."

"Nyota, I am at a loss as to what you are apologizing for."

She looked down at her lap. "I know."

She shifted back trying to put space between them but Spock would not let go. He was about to shake her a second time when she looked up at him. She lifted her left hand from where it rested on her lap and tentatively moved it toward his face, but stopped just short of making contact with his skin. Her expression changed in that moment. There was still sorrow, but now it was mixed with intense longing. And she saw when it registered with him...when he _saw_ her.

Her hand returned to her lap. Her head bowed once more.

"I'm in love with you, Spock." She released a shuddering breath. "I love you...and I'm sorry. I understand, that such a thing shouldn't have happened. Isn't permitted to happen. I thought it was just a little crush. That the feeling somehow would lessen...or I could get control...reign it in." She balled her hands into little fists. "But...well, it didn't work. I came to the conclusion over the last couple of days that maybe just staying away...not seeing you would be the best..."

"Stop."

Spock would not allow her to complete that sentence. Could not. The thought of not seeing Nyota was unconscionable. Just the words made his body seize up with pain. He moved to rest on his knees, removing his hands from her arms, and taking her right hand that was still fisted in her lap in both of his, gently forcing her to open it. When he had succeeded, he folded her thumb to her palm, then repeated the action, until only her index and middle fingers were extended.

"Nyota, look at me."

She raised her eyes to meet his and he could see fresh tears before they brimmed and overflowed to fade, as the others had, into the rain. He brought up his fingers, touching them to her's and she gasped.

"I will not allow us to be parted. We will find a way."

They were both soaked through with rain, but it was of no consequence to either of them.  
She slid from the bench and he drifted back onto his heels to allow her to melt into his lap. There was no one to witness their urgent embrace. The stones around them would not tell a soul of the fervor of their kisses, hot and wet and consuming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

Vulcan was gone. His people decimated. His mother... His mother was dead, the weight of which was infinitely heavier than the near extinction of his race. And it had all happened in minutes. Minutes. And he could not stop; in shock, in grief, in abject horror at the situation, because the situation was not over. His planet, his people, the one who bore him were gone, but that which had so viciously snatched them away remained. And it...he...Nero was on coarse to Earth, to repeat the unimaginable scene of this waking nightmare all over again. His mother's planet. His mother's people. _Nyota's_ people. Would. Be. Gone. And so he would not stop. None aboard the _Enterprise _would stop. As Jim had said, "Either they are going down, or we are." There was no other option.

With unforeseeable assistance from another time, against insurmountable odds, and all logical reason, they succeeded.

Spock and the rest of the crew of the _Enterprise _were interviewed, and debriefed, then debriefed some more when it was over. Even with Nero gone it seemed as if they could not stop. And when Spock was finally afforded the luxury of stillness he felt hollow, unable to capture and analyze it all. He would being to try to ponder the enormity of it and his mind would be overcome. No words or coherent thoughts would coalesce, only a loud, jarring roar. He likened the sound that tore through his thoughts to the strong, violent winds that drove the sand storms on Vulcan, a howling, mournful sound that shook the windows of his childhood home with ferocious force, reaching a frightening zenith, then slowly abating into silence. Nothingness.

Nyota had stayed by his side, refusing against her nature, to cry. He would not have minded her tears, but she viewed it as added chaos to his already taxed Vulcan nerves.

Then one night, Nyota slipped from his bed, after hours of clinging to each other, leaving feather light kisses across his face that his deep slumber kept secret from his heart. She was not gone long before he startled awake, reaching desperately for her and finding nothing but shadows and too cool sheets. He rose and searched and found a note she had left for him, shining brightly in the darkness from his comm screen, in the event that he woke. She had gone to a house of prayer near campus and promised to return before dawn. He walked back into his room, clothed himself with the robes of his clan and let his feet carry him to where she was.

Spock crossed the threshold of the church, listening for Nyota as he respectfully removed his shoes. He followed her voice to the large inner sanctuary, making out her silhouette wreathed in the light of the candles she knelt before. He stood motionless and listened as she prayed in Swahili for his people, the living along with those who had perished. Her voice was broken with the despair his Vulcan upbringing had made him ill-equipped to express. Then she began again in Vulcan...and again in Standard, and again in French, and again...

Spock knew she would remain in this temple, on her knees, praying for his ancestors, his kin, his tribe...the whole of the Vulcan people, until she exhausted every language she could speak. He moved silently to the altar, lifted a candle and lit one of his own. He went to her, watching their tears of grief stream from her eyes. He took his place beside her, bowed his head and echoed her words. He would begin in Vulcan 


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

'Happy tears.' That is what his mother had called them. He believed they would be glistening upon her face in this moment, if she were here to witness it.

Spock saw his mother weep with happiness from time to time when he was growing up, almost always in the company of his father, as he recalled. Although if Sarek realized his son had caught he and Amanda being 'emotional' together, he would pull away from her, generally exiting the room coolly to get away from the boys inquisitive gaze. If Spock did not 'catch' them in an embrace, Sarek was usually lurking in the vicinity of his wife, watering one of Amanda's plants, or something else equally as mundane, attempting to appear inconspicious as well as oblivious to her joyous, tearful outburst. Spock was certain that Sarek, if given the opportunity to share such a moment again, would not be moved from the circle of her arms, ignoring his heir or whoever else happened by entirely to tend to her tears.

The sound of the gong Spock had struck had faded and he heard the answering call of bells signaling the approaching bride and her attendants. He let his eyes drift closed. He was so filled with Nyota already; immersed in her. It was difficult for him to fathom what was to come. They were about to be sewn infinitely closer, the tie that bound them becoming immeasurably stronger. They had been separated for the past month as preparations for this day were made and he was beginning to tremble with longing for her.

Spock opened his eyes, hearing Jim gasp from where he and McCoy stood behind their first officer. Nyota had entered the marriage grounds, her dark skin glowing in the fading light of the Vulcan colony's sun. He was riveted as her shear white gown, a exact replica of his mother's, billowed out softly behind her in the hot New Vulcan breeze. If he had looked to his father, Spock would have seen the small tightening around Sarek's eyes, as memories of his Amanda, walking a similar path toward him, flitted though his thoughts.

Nyota had not yet reached him when Spock spotted the tears already swimming in her eyes. When they drew close together at last, he wiped them away, knowing more would come. And they did, silently flowing as the ritual was performed making them more than one flesh; making them one heart. Spock felt her essence burning brightly in his mind when it was done, standing to his feet and guiding Nyota to her's, leading his bondmate, his _adun'a_ away without a word to the others there. He wanted solitude to let everything fall away and feel her...her and her 'happy tears'. 


	6. Chapter 6

**and the one time she saw them fall from his eyes...**

There were roses on New Vulcan. Spock stared as they swayed in the slight breeze behind his father's home. He extended his hand and touched a soft, bright yellow petal. They were his mother's favorite. Lady Amanda had labored for years in the inhospitable Vulcan climate, trying to bring a little piece of Earth to her adopted homeworld. There were many failures, but she was determined and eventually succeeded in cultivating an impressive garden, boasting flora from several worlds.

Spock wondered if Amanda, were she here to see the garden, would be surprised by Sarek's 'labor of love.' He watched Nyota move from one plant to the next and decided she would not be; Spock may have been unsure of his father's affection for his mother growing up, but as Sarek's bondmate, Amanda knew his deep love for her at all times, intimately. He had told his son, "I married her because I loved her." Such admiration would only have grown with time. Spock understood that from his own experience with his a'duna. Sarek told his son the act of caring for the garden was meditative; that many of his fellow survivors had them as well. Spock knew it was much, much more, but he respected his father's privacy and said nothing. It was clear to him now, as he inhaled the flowers rich scent, the depths of Sarek's love for his wife flourished, even beyond the scope of her life.

______________________________________________________________________________

Nyota was holding her belly and panting on their bed when Spock entered their quarters, at a pace greater than she believed was strictly necessary. Apparently a Vulcan male's response to first time fatherhood was similar to the human one's that she knew of. She gave him a wide, though winded smile when her contraction subsided, imagining him running full tilt through the corridors of the _Enterprise_.

"I did not run, Nyota."

"Sure you didn't, Daddy."

Spock's eyes narrowed.

"Your contractions are very strong and close. Why did you not summon me sooner?"

She started to answer when another contraction ripped through her, taking her breathe away. He held her, speaking softly in her ear until it subsided.

"We must get you to sickbay."

He activated his comm to inform Dr McCoy that they were coming. Nyota moved, in an attempt to get to her feet and gasped as her water broke. There was something very wrong. Spock was not a physician, but he was certain that there was far to much blood.

Sickbay came to them.

______________________________________________________________________________

They had had a plan; it went right out the airlock. Nyota was healthy. The pregnancy had not been marred with a single complication...until now. Spock felt her fear. He tried to convey calm to her across their bond, even as he felt it weaken. He could visualize it as a mere wisp of smoke in his mind. He was terrified. Suddenly his mind was filled with the image of a garden. Of his father; solitary...walking among yellow roses, their bright petals falling to the ground.

Spock gripped her hand tightly, kneeling over her as he brushed her damp hair from her face. The medical personnel, rushing around them, passing instruments and bringing more of Nyota's blood type faded away. His mind began an endless loop, streaming into her consciousness.

"I will not allow us to be parted. Nyota...you must stay."

Nyota's eyes fluttered open and found Spock's pleading with her. They were dark and deep and wet with tears. Her gaze followed one as it fell, closing her eyes as it met with, and slid down her own cheek.

Spock felt wonder, and love, and fierce determination from her through their bond.

"...I think his ears are beautiful." It was a faint whisper.

Spock inhaled sharply as he caught a series of random thoughts from her.

"Mama! Daddy! I met a Vulcan boy and he told me I was smart...a Vulcan boy!! Oh, and Mama...he was beautiful." A child.

"Eww, Naasir! I didn't want to kiss you! God...my Vulcan would never have done that!" A teenager.

"Gods, Gaila! It's him...it's really him. And he remembers me, I know it!" A young women gazing across the mess hall.

"Good afternoon, Commander Spock. I wanted to introduce myself." She found him. "My name is Nyota Uhura..." He remembered her pause and brilliant smile. "..but you already knew that, didn't you?" A cadet.

"I would like to submit my name for the opening you have for an assistant, Sir." His cadet.

"I'm in love with you, Spock." _His_.

Her life. _Their_ life. It flowed in rapid succession, then she slipped away into dark, blank unconsciousness.

______________________________________________________________________________

When she awoke in sickbay he was at her side. Nyota could see others move into the room out of her peripheral vision, but McCoy quickly appeared and they retreated under the weight of his scowl. She and Spock stared at each other for a long time. When she tried to speak, he placed his fingers over her mouth and shook his head in the negative. His hand moved to cradle her face and she covered it with her own. She wondered briefly if she had imagined his tears as she looked at him, before realizing they were glassy with them once more.

"K'hat'n'dlawa..." He paused and cleared his throat quietly. When he began again there was a tremor in his voice. "Our son desires greatly to look upon your face." 


End file.
